Therapy

As of late, I don't have a lot to say. This is for a number of different reasons, none of which I feel compelled to publicly divulge in this blog post. I've been seeing less and less of my friends and missing the ones who are far away more and more. I don't like spending time alone with my self all of the time - my mind is a complex mine field anymore. I'll just be nonchalantly contemplating to myself and then BLAM my mind psychologically bombs itself...or something like that. So whatever you do, don't stand in the direct path of my ears, you might catch some shrapnel.

Anywho. Music is my escape, my therapist. It is the only thing I've ever found thats been 100% reliable throughout my life. When everything else fails, I can without a doubt count on music. For that, I'm thankful beyond the bounds of reasonability. I literally would most likely go crazy without it. It's how I start my day, how I end the day, and how I smooth out all the wrinkles in between.

I recently discovered Sol's music on the College Of Music. (Which, if you like hip-hop it's worth checking out from time to time.) I need to get more than just this album Yours Truly, because I love it. He's very honest and expressive and I dig it. Another rapper from Seattle who kicks ass.

Florence + The Machine is also another relatively new artist to me and honestly this woman's vocals blow me away. Accompanied with ridiculously powerful instrumental support, I'm pretty sure this band is going to take over the world. When I work with the truck team in the mornings, I start my 6 a.m. day with Cosmic Love. This is probably the only "love" song I can tolerate at this point in time, and its so bad ass it just wouldn't be right if I didn't start my day with it.

Yes, I know I've already posted this one. Yes, I know you've already watched it once before and read while I raved about it. I don't care. Michael Larsen aka Eyedea has inspired me a great deal in the short time I've been listening to his music. It saddens me that an artist like him is no longer with us. He explores his own painful struggles in his music - schizophrenia, drug addiction, loss. He died young, but sounds wise beyond his years in his music. Eyedea and Abilities produced master pieces. Master pieces that remind listeners every day to see the positive and smile. Darn kids and their hip-hop music.

I have been rocking out to this album since the impressionable age of 14. Say Anything is my Nirvana. The anger, vulgarity, and brutal honesty that comes from Max Bemis's can be matched by very few. Seeing the band grow through all of their albums has been awesome and they only get better. Admit It.. will always be one of my favorites, a song that is to never be skipped.

There ya go. A little taste of my daily regimen.

It would be a crime...

Today, just an ordinary Thursday, turned out to be probably the best day of the week. I say this fully aware that there are still two whole days left in the week, that's how awesome today was. All because of one thing, too. A sandwich. Today was awesome, and then became filled with more awesome all because of one free six inch sub sandwich. It was as if fate brought me to Target to speak with one of my bosses just so that sandwich could become a part of my day. It would be a crime to decline that sort of sandwich destiny.

So for the readers, just know, if you find yourself in a situation where you are offered a free (edible) sandwich, don't ask what kind it is, don't turn it down, all you have to do is say thank you. That sandwich is about to take your day and fill it with awesome.

Whipped.

As I'm perusing through Pinterest this very day, I came across an image of a very clever bathroom sign design. The design consisted of one toilet with the seat up and one with the seat down. Seat up had an M imposed on it and the seat down had a W appropriately for men and women. To me this made perfect sense and was ingenious, but what shocked me was what I found in the comments below the image.  Two women had commented suggesting that those signs wouldn't suit their homes because they make their husbands sit. Wait, what?

How the hell would one even go about forcing a man to sit on the can rather than stand to pee? Why would that even be big enough of an issue that he would have to be made to sit down? Does he have the aim of a four year old? Or is she just a controlling you know what? Aside from that, how would a wife/girlfriend/slave-driver even know for sure if he's sitting down? Does she watch him pee? Are there cameras installed in the toilet paper holder? Maybe she just took some liquid nails and glued the seat down. Either way, even I was offended by this idea. How demeaning is that in a relationship to control how a person urinates. She probably counts out how many squares of TP he can use, too.

Tell me what you think. Do you agree? Or do you see legitimate justification in this sort of thing?

Cabin Fever

I do not like the winter. It's possible that I used to when I was much younger, but now it only irritates me. I feel so closed in and cooped up. It's driving me absolutely mad!

That might be taking it a smidge to far. However, this winter does me feeling as though there's this need to get out, get up, and do something. So it only makes sense that there's loads of snow on the ground and the average temperature when I'm not working is near zero.

More often than not I embrace my introvert-ness, but this season its like a personal lock-up. I can't handle it anymore. I need to do something, go out, make some noise, paint the town red, or anything that will help to break this cabin fever that's been plaguing me.

Impatience = Antithesis of Virtue

As any true American I often find myself lacking patience. American's desire to have everything and anything they could possibly need/want in an instant has forever changed the world. Now, whether or not that change is for the better is not the direction in which I'm heading with this post.

In reflection of the last few days I've found myself wondering if growing irritated when a friend takes more than four minutes to make it out to my car is a good thing. (Yes, I'm so impatient that I watched how long it took.) I was in no rush. Does that make my irritability irrational? More than likely the answer to that question is yes. I really wish for my hair to be a great deal longer, and I know this will take time for my hair to grow. Does this matter to my lack of patience? Not a whole lot. In my mind it should be long and it should be long right now, dammit. This impatience generally results in a growing desire to cut my hair, which is exactly the opposite of what I'm trying to accomplish. 

We Americans have forgotten that the principles that apply to our greasy and fast burgers and fries do not apply to life. I don't see this being corrected any time soon on a societal level, so the best I can do is work on a more patient me.

An Issue of Great Importance

Some of the most entertaining conversation I have on a regular basis is found while I'm at work. When I work closing hours I often find myself working in the soft lines (clothing) end of the store with a couple other team members. Generally those who work on that half of the store are women. We start the zone around five and get done between 10 and 11. With five to six hours of time together, as you can imagine, once the conversation gets going it can get pretty entertaining. I have begun to grow concerned, however. Every time we're discussing our favorite celebrity eyecandy when I mention Ryan Gosling I hear at least one "Who is that?" These women will thoroughly discuss Taylor whatshisface from that Twilight blaspheme, but they don't know who Ryan Gosling is?

Now, for the underprivileged, I've added a lovely photo (click it, it gets bigger!) of Mr. Ryan Gosling himself. It's actually a post from Feminist Ryan Gosling, a blog that I discovered this past October and have been checking regularly since. I am literally disappointed whenever I check for something new and find only old posts. The posts all consist of feminist theory (or just plain ole' funny) flashcards adorned with this sexy piece of man chicken. Werewolves and vampires ain't got nothin' on Ryan Gosling. 

Pinning My Day Away

Right now I really should be looking for my wallet. A couple days ago I became suspicious that it may be MIA, and last night it was confirmed. However, I don't have to be at work until five and was really looking forward to relaxing for a good part of the day. So why stress myself out searching for my wallet? I'll do it in a little bit.

I've been working on getting out of bed and relocating to the living room where the Xbox is. Mr. Lappy top has been distracting me. It's noon and I have yet to leave my bed. (Don't mistake this for complaining. It's not.) The first order of business was to catch up on the past weeks worth of Girls With Slingshots comic strips. Next in line - Pinterest. For those of you who may not know of Pinterest, let me tell you it is awesome!  I would explain it, but I really think you must check it out. Simply put, its a site that allows you to categorize and collect the things you love/enjoy/whatever visually in one place. Once I log in I'm usually sitting down for a little while. It's difficult to part with sometimes. I've added a link to Pinterest to the list on the right titled "Places I Frequent."

It's winter break and as usual I have a list of stuff I would like to accomplish, but on days like today I piddle away time on Pinterest without remorse. It has yet to get old or do me wrong so I don't see why I shouldn't waste time pinning. Take a look, peruse around, see what ya think. You never know, you might like it.

Herro Kitteh

I love saying that. Herro Kitteh. It's so much fun. Just rolls right off my tongue. Herro. Kitteh. It's as if it was meant to be mispronounced. Kind of like saying "prollaby." Saying it incorrectly just adds a little bit o' spice to the conversation. Mostly it makes people stop and correct me, either way, it makes me smile.

Which brings me to something that might actually be worth rambling about. Have you ever found yourself listening to a song for the first few times, and as you listen to the words you think, "Holy shit, this is totally written about me/my demeanor/this point in my life?" (I'm not so sure if that sentence is properly punctuated. It looks kind of jacked.) Thats kind of what I found myself thinking as I listened to "Smile" by Eyedea. A main line from the chorus states "I'm fallin', but no matter how hard I hit the ground, I'll still smile." This is the mentality that I would like to think I've had for quite some time. All in all it's the mentality I try to promote. Sure, life gets rough and we all know the negative is much easier to see. However, what a lot of people fail to realize is that a simple smile works endless wonders. I'm not saying fake it. I'm saying on those days where all you feel like doing is frowning, take a pause and ponder for a minute. While you're pondering I can almost guarantee you'll find something worth smiling about. Just use that and smile. You'll be surprised how much that tiny little contraction of the muscles in your face can change. Even on my worst days, I'll still smile.

They say the third time is a charm..

This is the third blog that I've started (and will hopefully finish) since I last posted. I've been so scatter-brained this last month that there's no way I could've tossed a completed, worthy blog into the mix. No way, Jose.  At this very moment I'm still doubting my ability to publish a post worthy of taking the time to read.

I've been thinking lately about the abundance of assholes on this planet. Sure, some days I guess I'm easily included in this category, but I'm talking about those who are on an everyday basis just a complete selfish jerk. They're destroying everything we find value in. Take a look at Christmas, for instance. Don't get me wrong, I'm not religious. However, the holiday season still means spending and cherishing the time spent with friends and family. The corporate nature of our nation has completely beaten this family time to an unrecognizable pulp. Every time I hear a child say, "But mom, if I don't get that Christmas is gonna suck," I wish I wouldn't get fired for poppin' him or her in the mouth. That's obscene. As far as I'm considered, if what you consider to be your family is alive and kickin' during the holiday season it's a pretty damn good time. Now, if you get to actually spend time with them it's even better. I'm thoroughly disgusted with this new holiday mentality and to be quite frank, I'm ready for these days of materialistic vulgarity to be over. Appreciate the small things in life and forget about all the things you can't afford and don't need. For those who are at the top of this corporate monster, I hope karma turns your life upside down.

On a much more pleasant note, I've been killing the creative side of my brain with ridiculous amounts of homework and art-ness that I hope to share with all of you once this week of finals and finishing stuff up is over. I don't want to sound vain, but my self-portrait, kicks ass. Just sayin'.

Oh and I saw the cutest "offensive" jeans today. They were being worn by my friend's nephew. He's two years old and apparently they don't make infant jeans to accommodate babies who might be built different than others (who knew that people weren't identical) because this poor little guy's jeans kept falling down. He'd pull them up, and try to hold them up while he was playing, but those darn jeans would not have it. It was the cutest and is the only time offensive saggy pants are acceptable I've decided.

Taking Offense

As some of you may know, I work at Target. For those who initially think "Oh that must suck," fear not. Its really not all that bad, in fact there are all sorts of awesome perks. One thing that I have always enjoyed has been the fact that for some reason there seems to be (to me at least) an above average amount of good looking men that shop at Target. Call me shallow, but it makes me smile to think this only got better when I transferred to Casper.

Well, a couple weeks ago at work there was a guest sitting in Food Ave and let me tell you what he was lookin' good. Seriously. A while later I see him walking through the store, and the sight of this individual literally and genuinely offended me.

The backside of this guy was the skinny jeans version of the middle dummy. His pants had to be riding below his butt cheeks, I'm not even kidding. He was wearing a sweater way too big for him thank goodness. At least the public was spared a view of his chones. 

Here's my issue with severe sag in a more straightforward manner. If you find someone attractive you may take a moment to visually assess them, right? If their pants aren't being worn properly then you can't fully assess an important physical quality. I am offended by that. Think about how men would react if women started wearing loose fitting underwear and saggy jeans. I can't imagine it would go over so well. Guys, pull your pants up. It'll be easier to take you all more seriously and if a lady (or anybody really) feels it necessary, they can check you out without laughing or being offended. Saggy pants are not attractive.

Good People

Don't ask me why, but I've been doing a lot of thinking as of late. Now, don't crack jokes - it really makes my head hurt sometimes. Yesterday I found myself doubting my own confidence in the people who make up our society as a whole. I would like to know where the hell have all the good people gone. I understand that "good" can be defined many different ways and almost always depends on who you ask, however, I feel as though the amount of people who are aware of others as well as themselves is an exponentially dwindling number. I nearly had myself in tears considering this. A while later while discussing the idea with my friend Jacob I realized something. Is it possible that people are programmed to be self interested? What is it that made me assume we are naturally aware and considerate of others? If I were to ask mothers if "mine" was one of the 5-10 first words of their child I'm pretty sure a majority of them would say yes. Is this a demonstration of this self-absorbedness at a very young age? Beats me.

What do you guys think? Give me some feedback on this one because its genuinely bothering me.

Occupy Wall Street Movement

As of late I find my mind consumed by the movement that began in New York. This Occupy movement has spread to hundreds of cities in the U.S. and has even taken off in cities over seas.

I am shocked on a daily basis through conversation with my peers to find that many people still have no idea about the occupy movement.  This movement does not pertain to one specific age group, gender, race, or tax bracket. It applies to all who are affected by the decisions our government makes every day.

I have been frustrated because, even though there is a great deal of info out there about the movement, there is not many places that compile different sources or places to go so that individuals may educate themselves on the movement and the issues being addressed by the movement. On account of that frustration I decided to compile a few things here myself.

I have done my best to post mostly objective information. I have left videos of police brutality and etc out, not because I think its unimportant (I think its very important that the public is aware of police brutality upon peaceable protesters.), but because I feel like information like that holds its best impacts when you discover it for yourself. These links will take you to aspects of the story and if you take the time to explore these and then some you will find the light and the dark sides of the movement.

Educate yourself. Wake up. You are a part of the 99%. Demand a government that is By the People and For the People.

http://www.occupytogether.org/
Welcome to OCCUPY TOGETHER, an unofficial hub for all of the events springing up across the country in solidarity with Occupy Wall Street.


http://occupywallst.org/
This site is updated by individuals on the ground at Occupy Wall Street in NY. News about the movement (outside of NY as well as in NY), photos, videos, a livestream of NY, various maps and other information are provided on this site. I compel all to take a look at this site.

Occupy Imagery and Background
Great images of the first few weeks of the movement as well as background information for those wondering what the heck is going on.

Occupy Washington DC
My favorite part about this link is the summarization of the key issues that the majority of Americans are expressing in this movement

• Tax the rich and corporations
• End the wars, bring the troops home, cut military spending
• Protect the social safety net, strengthen Social Security and improved Medicare for all
• End corporate welfare for oil companies and other big business interests
• Transition to a clean energy economy, reverse environmental degradation
• Protect worker rights including collective bargaining, create jobs and raise wages
• Get money out of politics

Obey Occupy Posters for Print - - Support the Movement
I have this exponentially growing love for poster art and am working on designing some of my own, so this was a must share after finding it. Print and stick 'em up or go make a statement downtown.

This is a grassroots movement that is based mostly in social network sharing, so if you support any aspect of the movement at all please please share this via all of your social networking sites. Tell all of your friends, urge them to go home and do some research. It's as simple as turning on your computer, opening some form of the internet, and typing "occupy movement" or "#occupy" or "occupy wall street" or "occupy enter city name here." There are hundreds of occupied cities in the U.S. that are looking for more to join them. If you cannot join support them by sharing the message and educating all you know. These groups are also taking donations of any supplies you may be able to provide (especially with the cold weather nearing/beginning in many areas). Support democracy. Help us to end the over involvement of corporations in our government.

Lack of Awareness

Today, as I sat in my Graphic Design class, I asked a few of my peers if they were aware of the protests in New York that are currently taking place. All of them said no. What the hell?? The only thing that was said was, "Damn hippies." Really people? I have one thing to say to people with this mindset: wake up. 


Surprisingly enough these unaware individuals also had no clue as to why hundreds are occupying the streets of New York. They are protesting the conduct of our own government and its abuse of the economy (that's my own interpretation of why in short). This is key to our society. Protests and public unrest is how we the people can voice our disgusts in a time where those in charge refuse to listen.

The saddest part is that hundreds, even thousands, are out there on the streets (not just in New York) trying to compel the public to demand changes, but their work may yield no positive results because of the millions who sit at home watching that Glee garbage unaware and content with their own little world.

Wake up before your little world collapses and you have no choice but to face reality.

Consumed by Everything

My head is swimming with an infinite number of thoughts each in a different realm of level of importance. Why???  It hurts. I can literally feel every little s-o-b hit the back of my eyeballs whilst bouncing around in there. 

Wearing the PDA (scanner) holster around my waist, scanner at my hip and walking at an obviously important fast pace makes me feel like a bad ass.

After politely asking if a fellow student and I could take pictures of textures in Wal-Mart what I assume was a manager informed us that they've been in legal troubles because of photos of their practices being taken. Wait. What? You're worried I'm going to snap shots of you abusing your employees/product/customers when all I really want is a close up of your taters? High five on confirming why I despise that establishment to be true manager guy. Wal-Mart is evil.

Anyone interested in trading Ramen noodles for maid services? (aka cleaning my room)

Sketchbook

This past Labor Day weekend a couple friends and I made an excursion to Denver, CO. We went shopping, saw some local sights, and went to the Denver Art Museum. Now, when I started my art classes here at Casper, I was told by nearly every instructor "Take your sketchbook everywhere with you. An artist always has their sketchbook with them."

Welp, I was a dunce and I forgot to take it anywhere with me. Yes, I even forgot to take it into the ridiculously vast Denver Art Museum. I'm still frustrated about it. Maybe I'll begin to learn my lesson. Maybe not. We did go trekking through the alleyways of downtown Casper last night and....I didn't have my sketchbook. It doesn't fit in my pocket, though, and I do not carry a purse. I might have to find a smaller sketchbook...

(Mis)interpreted

As of late I have been pushing myself to utilize self control more. Purchasing "needs" only and leaving those "wants" on the shelf, pushing myself to finish assignments and leave the xbox off, eating out less, and getting to bed at a reasonable time are ways that I've been implementing this control of my often irresponsible self. I'm working on this to better myself for myself. It has nothing to do with my outward appearance or what others think of me, it's just to help keep me from going crazy when life gets stressful.

In one particular situation, however, I found myself utilizing this self control in an attempt to avoid emotional conflict (or whatever the hell you wanna call it). This self control was (mis)interpreted as inexperience because my actions were hesitant and calculated. I'm borderline insulted by this to be completely honest. It's disgusting that our own social norms contain negative expectations of how people (men and women alike) should behave in a situation. 

For instance, a woman utilizes self control whilst in the company of a man she doesn't know very well. This man views it as inexperience. He has become programmed to interpret this situation in such a manner due to the "loose" expectations he has for women. (This is a general example, stop making assumptions about my personal life weirdo.) Now, I understand that there is no one to blame for this other than women themselves and in order to avoid a lengthy, possibly never-ending rant, I'm not even gonna go there. This conflict has just been bouncing around in my nogin and in attempt to help it rest, I'm sharing it with all of you.

Shuffle

I, as many other members of the general population, am often plugged into my music via my headphones. More and more I see people of all ages with earbuds or headphones stuck in or on their nogin. Studying, exercising, zoning out, and driving (this is dangerous and illegal folks) are a few things I see members of the public doing whilst their ears are plugged in.

Now when I'm jammin' (cuz that's what I do when my headphones are in) I believe there is no other way to do so than with the playlist on shuffle. I've yelled at friends for disrupting my shuffle with their unknowledgeable, selective-ness.

Last night I put the good ole' 'pod on shuffle and did something a little different for this post. (I also found a brand new reason to love shuffle.)

With clay on my headphones
I listen to Tropicana beats
attempting to cypher
the previous eve's delusions.
Sitting up
scrawling on a notepad;
the beginning lessons of Insomnia 411
are proving to be taxing.
Life is a lot like The Ocean
in the way that it often crashes about, 
jolting calm into confusion.
As Soon As I Wake Up,
be it literally or figuratively,
will I only face greater obstacles?
Frustration is What I Got.
It's noticeable in the scribbles
clawing through something 
simple as My Notes.

To explain a bit, there are six song titles in this little ditty. I am rather proud of this accomplishment. Especially since it encompasses the days that have recently passed quite well. (Mental high five for Tessa.) If you can tell me the artists of ALL the songs hidden in this (it's easy to pick the titles out...they're capitalized) then I'll buy ya a cookie next time I see ya.

Who Knows, Who Cares

Change is inevitable. You can battle it or just go with it. Is life about living, or is it about always changing and adapting? I find myself tripping over a lot of change lately. I say tripping because even though I push to move forward with the change sometimes I fall, scrape up my knees a little before advancing.

Will I be able to keep up? Is this all that life has to offer - perpetual change? Who knows, who cares. I've been lovin' this song as of late because it encompasses this subject quite well if I do say so myself. Local Natives album Gorilla Manner is good for scraped knees.

Untitled

Sleep awaits in some far off land.
He resides in a quaint, 
simple neighborhood.

A gang, Insomnia,
has been causing unrest through the community.

It's best to travel
wrapped tightly in another's arms
when going to visit sleep.

Approaching the door,
you reach forward and knock, knock, knock.
With anticipation you wait for an answer.

None is received.
Pressing your ear against the hardwood door
you listen for footsteps, 
wishing for the sound of sleeps approach.

Feeling odd and out of place
you turn and look behind you.
With this, you realize 
the person whose grasp kept you safe
is gone.

Sleep will not be answering his door this eve.

Moving In

Today I moved into the house which I will be occupying with two friends for the semester. My things are piled in the corner next to the closet. My shirts are hung in the closet with still packed suitcases and whatnot beneath them.

The important things (Ipod, Ihome, Mr. lappytop, fan, and borrowed lamp) are pulled out of boxes, plugged in and working.  The kitchen is mostly sorted out. That was the first thing. As I sit here I'm thinking that it was genius of Kara and I; considering everyone uses the kitchen and I'm the only one in my room.

The room has yet to feel like home. That might have to do with the intimidating pile of stuff in the corner. I would post a picture, but its dark in here with only one light and whatnot. Hopefully I can get some of this mess sorted out tomorrow.

Oh and on one last note, moving sucks.